Built in 1886, this Punxsutawney burrow has been home to 23 Phils, all of whom have maintained its impeccable charm. Think of it as a heritage estate—but with more dirt.
Property Highlights
Six feet underground, 20 feet wide, and an expansive 66 feet long, this home is perfect for hibernation, meditation, and avoiding winter entirely.
It features two expertly dug tunnels, which allow for easy escape in case of unexpected guests (meteorologists, reporters, etc.).
Enjoy farm-to-table cuisine with seasonal greens, wild berries, and premium organic roots—all within scurrying distance.
Surround yourself with lush meadows, dense forests designed for privacy, and excellent burrow expansion potential.
Designed to be pet-friendly. It is ideal for squirrels, rabbits, and other woodland creatures.
After 23 generations, our family wants to relocate to a more secluded, paparazzi-free environment. We seek a buyer who will cherish the burrow’s rich history and commit to the fine tradition of emerging once a year to bewilder humans.
And Speaking of Humans….
I have peripheral vision, nearly 360 degrees. I CAN’T see my shadow.
Humans have binocular vision, meaning both eyes focus on a single point. This gives them depth perception and enables them to see fine details. Spoiler Alert: for the last 138 years, humans have seen nothing more than their shadows. And that’s when all the trouble started.
Here’s What I See in the Human Shadow
The grass under my paws is thinner than last year. The bees buzz less often, and even the air feels…different. I see the sunrise spreading its light; humans barely notice because they are too busy watching TikTok videos of other sunrises.
I shall emerge from my burrow on Sunday, February 2, 2025, and I hope humans will begin to heal their shadow selves by taking three simple actions.
Expand your vision, like mine. Stop looking at the world through a rectangular box and start seeing its glory in all directions.
Listen to the whispers of the world. Hear the Earth’s voice as she speaks through the rustle of leaves and the calls of birds.
Reconnect—not through Wi-Fi, but through the soil, the sky, and each other.
You’re Invited to the Burrow Open House on Sunday, February 2nd (after 7:25 a.m. East Coast Time)
This property won’t last! (Unless we decide to tunnel out a little more.)
Celebrity Endorsements
Paddington Bear: “Charming and cozy.”
Badger from The Wind in the Willows: “An underground palace!”
Otters from Zootopia: “We’d take it in a heartbeat, but we need waterfront property.”
Remy from Ratatouille: “Farm-to-table dining and total privacy? C’est magnifique!
Fantastic Mr. Fox: “A splendid, well-dug estate! Perfect for escaping farmers—or the press.”
Alvin the Chipmunk: Ideal for musical rehearsals, especially for tetchy tenors.”
Enjoy a beautiful Groundhog Day!
A Creative Collaboration Disclaimer
No groundhogs were consulted in making this post, but one AI assistant was under strict editorial oversight. I’m exploring how a chatbot can sharpen my humor and cultural observations. All puns, philosophical musings, and burrow-related wisdom remain my own.
very cute!