Punxsutawney Phil Lists His Burrow (Again)
A Special Real Estate Edition for those seeking to escape the Ice Apocalypse
Built in 1886, this historic Punxsutawney burrow has now housed 24 Phils, all of whom have maintained its impeccable charm through blizzards, polar vortices, and COVID. Think of it as a heritage estate—but with more dirt and significantly better insulation.
As much of the country continues to shiver under record-breaking cold, Punxsutawney Phil believes his family property has never been more appealing.
Property Highlights
Six feet underground, 20 feet wide, and an expansive 66 feet long, this burrow offers optimal protection from arctic blasts, sideways snow, and subzero temperatures. Perfect for hibernation, meditation, and opting out of winter entirely.
Two expertly dug tunnels provide easy exits in case of unexpected visitors, including meteorologists, reporters, climate pundits, game wardens, and long-lost cousins who want to borrow money.
Farm-to-table cuisine includes seasonal greens, wild berries, and premium organic roots. Picture this: no frostbite or grocery delivery fees.
The surrounding meadow and dense forests ensure privacy and silence, and offer excellent burrow expansion potential should your children return home to live indefinitely.
The pet-friendly design is ideal for squirrels, rabbits, and other woodland creatures on the lam from wildlife authorities or questioning their life choices.
After 24 generations, Punxsutawney Phil is ready to relocate to a more secluded, paparazzi-free environment, where his shadow is nobody’s business but his own.
Punxsutawney Phil seeks a buyer who will cherish the burrow’s rich history and who is ready to pay in carrots, cauliflower, or cucumbers. Organic only, please.
Wishing you warmth, perspective, and a beautiful Groundhog Day!
Ha, I love the graphics and Phil P, the real estate groundhog. This is sooo funny and charmingly satirical. It's just what we need in this freezing week, to remind us that spring will come (at some point). And this groundhog is worthy of his own show. And yes, RD, Feng Shui would be a bonus.
Has Punxsutawney Phil considered using a Feng Shui consultant to help him and his family relocate? Maybe he could make some changes to make his underground paradise more welcoming to prospective buyers...using multiples of nine (9) which is a very auspicious number. In China, the Forbidden City and the Temple of Heaven were built using multiples of nine for the dimensions of the paving, the proportion of openings, etc. He could widen his home to be 27 feet wide and 72 feet long...or possibly add more logs so that his abode is 9 feet beneath the surface of the ground. What do you think Phil?